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“DO YOU WRITE ALL THE OOHS AND AHS?”; OR WHY THE PORN INDUSTRY BOTHERS WITH SCRIPTS

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I recently got asked to write a script for an upcoming NakedSword series. Like almost everyone else in porn, I’m a whore so I said yes. I’ve written plenty before, and when I mention I mention to people that I’ve written porn scripts, they look dumbfounded. The most frequent question — mentioned above — is whether or not I write all the moaning.

Then, they ask why porn studios still bother with scripts. This is what I tell them.

1. Most scripts are really just scenarios
Sure, you can just have two guys having sex in a room, but it gets repetitive pretty quickly. It helps — even in these movie-less days of fifteen minute scenes — it helps to have a a framing device. When done right, a porn script is like salt. It brings out that’s already there. (Also, like salt, too much can ruin a dish.) And so you deal with simple fantasies that highlight the guys, and help explain why these two random guys have suddenly begun fucking. A guy bringing home a hooker. A horny boss. Your trainer fucking you. You know, the stuff you think about every day.

This was old and corny even by the time I watched it, but I still remember getting off on the scenes. Even the odd Indian one.

Sometimes there are larger productions, but even then — it’s about stringing together scenarios. Sex isn’t just fun because it’s physical. It’s fun because it’s dangerous, taboo, in public, tense, awkward, etc. A good script can help bring those qualities out.

2. A Good Script Breaks Up the Marketing Monotony
Have you noticed how much porn is out there? Sure, you could just label your movie Two Athletic White Guys Fucking Parts 1 – 3,424,528,101, but after the 17,000 movie, everyone’s eyes start to glaze over. Scripts are the equivalent of a good ad campaign — it sticks in your mind, it makes it easy to communicate to a friend, it gives directors something to do and bloggers something to write about. So to extend the food metaphor, scripts are also a way to rotate the menu. Otherwise you’re just eating boneless skinless chicken breast every night. It’s boring for the cook, it’s boring for the servers, its boring for the diner. And a lot of time, it’s boring for the chicken. How do you sell skinless chicken breast? Give it a brand, and add a new sauce.

3. Some People Actually Like Stories
Not all women are content with erotica; not all men just want to see a butt-hole split open. For all of us who fast-forward, there are lots who like a little excitement. It lets you into the fantasy, allows you to imagine that such a thing could happen to you.

The first porn I ever bought was Lukas' Story 2. At the time, I got off as much on the story as Lukas.

4. Directors Like Making Them
You’ve got 8 to 10 guys hired for a shoot. What are you supposed to do with them? Line them up outside the bedroom door and shoot them one after the other? Scripts may have their problems, but I can think of fewer things more boring than assembly line of porn shoots. Directors are filmmakers; porn stars are performers. Scripts give them a chance to do something other than just punch a clock, which makes them to be more excited about what they’re doing. They’re a new recipe for the ingredients already in your cupboard.

Jack and I wrote this for Falcon a few years ago when they wanted something set in New Zealand. I think our story about some sort of totem was just an excuse for a location shoot.

5. Those Things You Think Aren’t Scripts Are Also Scripted
One of the hottest things I ever saw was an amateur porn where a guy talks about fucking his older brother. I have no idea if it was real, scripted, or some mix. Often scripts are just ways of setting things up, sort of like a Warhol movie or improv. This is your character. This is his character. This is the scenario. Go to it. The other things that you don’t think of as scripted, but really are: clothes, furniture, jocky attitude, California scenery. All these things tell you who’s fucking who and why: even if no words are exchanged.

Scoff if you want, but Cockyboys "The Haunting" was one of the sites most popular shoots ever, and helped put them on the map.

(And no — you don’t write the “oohs” and “ahhs.” The sex part of the script just generally reads “They have sex.” There are some things, even in a porn script, that shouldn’t be scripted.)

Christian Wilde on the set of the upcoming scripted "Frathouse Cream" (via @christianwildex)

Related:
Is the Haunting Too Scary for Porno?
Gay Porn Tube: Lucas’ Original Sinners
Jeff Stryker: I Almost Didn’t Make It In Gay Porn

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One Response to ““DO YOU WRITE ALL THE OOHS AND AHS?”; OR WHY THE PORN INDUSTRY BOTHERS WITH SCRIPTS”

  1. Jett Blakk says:

    Amen, brudder!

    JBK

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